xxddmm

Chapter 30 - The fireworks festival, one year ago.

It was the last weekend of July.
Another day in the city where the record high temperatures had been broken again, so hot it made me wish the whole planet would just blow up. A midsummer night.

Ayami: "Whoa..."

I unlocked the door, slipped off my shoes, walked down the hallway, and opened the door at the end.
And there it was, a spacious living room with massive windows showcasing the night skyline.

In the distance -- well, not all that far away -- high-rise buildings sprawled out, with a gigantic tower sticking out between them all.
Stepping into the living room, I slid the window open. Below, the wide river stretched across the view.

This was a riverside condo in the city.
A 3LDK on a decent floor. Pretty fancy.

Ayami: "Huh. No wonder he finds mistresses easily."

Yep, this was the place where my father used to stash his mistress.
After the divorce proceedings, it ended up in Mom's name. Today, we came here together, met up with the real estate agent and the property manager, and finally completed the paperwork to get the keys.

Originally, Mom was supposed to come check it out with me, but... let's just say she wasn't too thrilled about seeing the place where her husband had carried out his affairs. She took a taxi back home right after the meeting.
So here I was, left to confirm the status of what was now our asset.

Ayami: "The view's amazing, but... we're probably just gonna sell it."

Even without trying to exaggerate, this place was way fancier than the house we live in now.
But Mom can't stand the thought of it, there's no way the two of us could live here.
Besides, selling this place would let us live comfortably for over a decade without lifting a finger.

The problem is... I don't know the first thing about taxes or legal procedures.
And let's be real, Mom's even more clueless about that stuff than I am.
Just thinking about what to do with this place feels like such a headache.

Great, another pain in the neck to deal with...

I was busy stewing over what anyone else would probably call a ridiculously privileged problem when...

Boom! BOOM! BOOM!

Some ground-shaking roars and vibrations cut through my thoughts.

Crowd: "Ta~maya!"
Crowd: "Ka~giya!"

From below the balcony, along the riverside, I could hear the cheers of a massive crowd.

Ayami: "Oh... a fireworks festival."

Now that I think about it, earlier, the property manager mentioned something about how lucky it was to move in today. I hadn't understood what they meant, but...

BO-BO-BO-BO-BOOM!

With the cheers below, the fireworks grew bigger, higher, and more frequent, filling the sky.
The helicopters filming overhead darted back and forth, as the night sky was painted with bursts of light in every color imaginable.

Yuu: "Oh yeah, there's a fireworks festival next week! ...Ah, but I can't imagine Yami-senpai willingly heading into that insane crowd~"

Ayami: "Ah..."

I was so captivated by the surreal scene outside that a faint, familiar, and strangely comforting echo began playing in my head.

So that's it.
What Yuu invited me to last week... it was this, wasn't it?

I pulled out my phone and turned it on for the first time in ages.
It's been how many days now since I last used it? Since I said goodbye to Yuu at Tokyo Station.

Unsurprisingly, the LINE and call icons were dotted with unread notifications.
...There's only one person who'd bother sending me messages.

[ Yuu: The fireworks festival is tomorrow. Got any plans? ]

[ Yuu: I mean, you probably hate crowds, so... we could watch it on the TV at a net café or something. ]

The last message was from yesterday.
But there'd been messages every day since we got back from the trip.

Constantly. Every single day. It seems that he's been worrying about me the entire time...

Ayami: "Geez, you really don't get it, do you?"

Not one single thing...
You don't understand anything...

Like I'd turn you down just because I hate crowds.

If Yuu was the one inviting me, I'd go anywhere -- even into the summer's sweltering, chaotic crowds.
If Yuu reached out his hand to me, there'd be nothing I couldn't endure.

If I could've been just a little more like a normal girl...
I'd have gone shopping with him, gone on dates, anything, everything.

Ayami: "Haa..."

The fireworks outside only grew louder and more dazzling.

To anyone else, this view must feel like pure bliss.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry that someone like me -- someone who can't appreciate any of this -- is the one standing here.
The last person who deserves this kind of prime view, wasting it away in the best spot in town.

The things I want most, I can never have.
And the things I don't need at all fall into my lap so easily.

He's nothing special on paper, but the one boy I genuinely love is the one I can't have.
Instead, I end up stuck with this ridiculously expensive condo.

Ayami: "Wanna live together?"

You know, I was pretty serious about that, Yuu.

If I could have had both...
We could've been living here together.
Even something less, just spending weekends here with Yuu would've been enough.

Meeting up Friday night, lazing around the whole weekend, then parting ways Sunday night.
Well, Yuu's way more of a dutiful kid than I am, so maybe just Saturday nights? No, not even staying over, day trips would've been fine.
Just a few hours, every week. If it were the two of us alone...

But just thinking like that already makes me some kind of messed-up girl, right?
I guess I really can't ever be a normal girl.

...I can't ever be Yuu's normal girlfriend.

Ayami: "Ah..."

Before I realized it, I'd been staring at my phone's now-dark screen for who knows how long.

[ Yuu: Yami-senpai, where are you right now? ]

The notification sound jolted me, and a new message appeared on the screen.

Of course.
I opened his messages, he could see I read them.

I really am hopeless, aren't I?
I swore I wouldn't contact him, but here I am.

[ Yuu: Hey, it's already started, but... want to watch the fireworks together? ]

[ Yuu: It doesn't have to be the fireworks, or even today. Just... contact me, please. ]

As if he could see straight through my regrets, Yuu's messages kept coming.

Stop it. Stop it, Yuu...

Don't try to shake my resolve.
Don't try to undo the decision I worked so hard to make.

[ Yuu: Is something wrong? Did I do something? ]

Ayami: "---!"

That was the last message that came through.
...Right before I tapped Yes on the pop-up asking, Are you sure you want to block this contact?

Ayami: "Ha...... ahaha..."

But not even a second after blocking him, a wave of regret hit me so hard it was suffocating.
The memories of every moment I spent with Yuu surged through my mind, so vivid it was almost cruel.

Yuu: "It's because you're staring at me... Yami-senpai..."
Ayami: "Yuu..."

Even so, I kept struggling.
This time, I blocked his calls.

Ayami: "You useless virgin!"
Yuu: "I... uh... I'm sorry."

But he still wouldn't disappear.
Fine, then. I'll have to delete the account entirely.

Ayami: "Hey, can you stop crying? You're being really annoying."
Yuu: "Wha-!? I-I'm not crying!"

Ayami: "Aaaaahhhhhhh!"

The sound of something breaking echoed off the balcony.
But even that was quickly drowned out by the deafening roar of the fireworks.

No matter what I did, Yuu wouldn't go away.
So all I could do was smash my phone against the balcony floor.

I had to erase everything. Burn it all down to nothing.

Ayami: "Haha... ahaha... ahahaha..."

The moment it broke, the regret that clawed at me was even sharper, even more unbearable than before.
But... but there was nothing I could do now.

Ayami: "Ugh... ughhhh... ahhhhhh!"

The fireworks kept going.
The booming noise, the dazzling colors...

A radiant cascade of light swept away the darkness.

............
............

I'm Sudou Ayami. Turned seventeen years old today.

......and I just said goodbye to the person I love most in the world.