xxddmm

Chapter 25.5 - Dream or Reality?

Late February.
The room's warm from the air conditioner, and the thick curtains block out any clue about the time, but it's probably early afternoon.

"Zzz... zzz..."
"......"

We're in... let's say, a certain kind of shady hotel room.
Fresh out of the shower, I'm standing there with just a towel wrapped around me, my reflection staring back from a big mirror.

"Mmm, nnnh... snore... huuuh..."
"Yuu...?"

Right now, I'm playing the role of the girl mischievously leaning over to watch the guy sleeping in bed. It's a pretty cliché scene. But for me? It's a total first.

............
............

Okay, so... how far back do I need to rewind to explain how this happened?

If I go back 24 hours, Yuu -- the guy snoring away in front of me -- and I were sitting in a family restaurant, having a little pity party.

12 hours ago, we'd already checked into this hotel.
But instead of doing eachother, we were crying, yelling, and basically acting like a couple of awkward teens.

And then 6 hours ago...
Let's just say we made up for all that wasted sincerity in a way that was thoroughly inappropriate -- but also completely blissful.

"Zzzzz... zzzzz..."
"Pfft."

I couldn't help but laugh.
But it wasn't one of those bitter, self-loathing laughs I used to have.

No, it was just... Yuu. His sleeping face. His ridiculous snoring.

I mean, his mouth's hanging open like a fish.
His breathing's all over the place -- sometimes it's like snoring, sometimes it just goes completely silent, just random.
And even though he's asleep, his expression keeps shifting.

It wasn't ridiculous, it was just... goofy.
I wonder if you can get what I mean by that?

"Hahaha, haha, ha... ~~~!"

I teased him, made fun of his snoring, laughed so hard I couldn't stop...

But then, suddenly, all that teasing made me feel super embarrassed. My cheeks burned, and I covered my face with both hands.

I really went and did it, didn't I?

With this childish guy.
With this innocent guy.
With this kind guy.

This guy, I've totally fallen for.

...Ugh, stop. I'm mixing up my objective and subjective thoughts.
Seriously, I've officially turned into an idiot.
And to think I used to do well in Japanese back in middle school.

"Nnn... hmph..."
"Hey... hey, Yuu... Let's get going, okay?"

Seriously, now's not the time to be stuck in some cringe-worthy lovesick monologue like a love-struck middle schooler.

We'd spent all of yesterday together, and now half of today was already gone too.
I mean, I don't mind at all, but Yuu's family...

He just failed his entrance exams, (and even if he let them know), what kind of parent wouldn't worry about their kid staying out all night and not coming home the next day?
...Well, okay, maybe my family wouldn't care that much.

But still, looking at the kind of person Yuu is -- how he was raised, how good-hearted he is -- it's obvious.
His parents must be kind, responsible, and truly love him.
The thought of messing up a family like that, turning them into something broken like mine... It just doesn't feel right.

...Well, if you'd asked me yesterday, there's no way I would've thought anything like this.

"Come on, wake up."
"Zzz... zzz..."

I kneel by the bed, leaning in even closer to peer at his sleeping face.

The closer I get, the more sillier he looks.
But somehow, instead of laughing, something totally different starts swirling through my heart. A kind of emotion that doesn't fit this goofy scene at all.

"You healthy little brat~!"
"Fwah..."

I poke his nose, trying to brush off the warm, sticky feelings bubbling up inside me.

Yuu twitches a bit but quickly settles back into his peaceful snoring, completely defeating my (not-so-obvious) desperate attempt to distract myself.

Not that I have any right to complain. I'm the one who kept this so-called healthy kid up all night.

Still, poking clearly doesn't cut it.
If I want to wake him up, I'll need a stronger approach.

"You know, if you keep sleeping like a rock..."

I take the towel off, climb onto the bed, and straddle him.
From above, I stare down at that defenseless, dorky face of his.

I lower myself closer, not just my face, but my whole body, until I can feel not only his breath but the faint warmth radiating from him.

"...you won't even notice if someone does something to you~."

I slowly reach for the edge of the blanket covering him...

"...Let's go home."

The idiot here is me.

I'm the one thinking about sending him back home, so why am I getting all worked up?
I'm trying to wake him gently, so why is my mind racing like this?

How long am I going to let my body and heart stay this heated?

Just because today...
Today has been the happiest day of my entire life.

............
............

"See you, Yuu."
"Mm... zzz..."

I got dressed.
Set the alarm to go off in 30 minutes at full blast.

Even with all the rustling around by the bedside, Yuu didn't stir in the slightest.
...Will he even wake up when the alarm goes off?

I mean, I'm a little worried. But even so, I won't wake him up myself.
The only thing I can do is leave. Leave and make it meaningless for him to stay here any longer.

Because, yeah... it hit me just now.
If Yuu woke up while I was still here, I'm not confident I'd be able to calmly say, Let's go home.

"Next time... okay?"
"Nnn... mmh."

So, for the last time...
Just one tiny goodbye kiss.

Well, okay, not even a real kiss.

My lips avoided his entirely, landing about three centimeters off, brushing his cheek instead.

Because, you know...
If I touched his lips, if I held my breath, what if he woke up?

...Now that I think about it, though.

This is probably the lightest kiss we've ever had.
The first time we've kissed without tongues involved.

And yet, here I am, sneaking in such a guilt-free kiss, catching him off guard while he's asleep.

Somehow, that feels way more embarrassing than anything else we've done.

What's wrong with me?
My sense of shame is so screwed up, isn't it?

"Alright then."

Before I leave, I let myself take one last look at the view.
His stupidly peaceful sleeping face.

Hey, Yuu... you just failed your first-choice school yesterday, you know?
How can you sleep so... no, wait. Sorry.
You were probably just that exhausted, huh?

Sorry about this morning. Things got... intense.
I didn't know how to hold back either.

............
............

I'm Matsushita Ayami. Just another nobody, a high school dropout kid......

......but so what? What's wrong with that?