xxddmm

Chapter 26 - Nothing all day, so much between us.

Early May.
Smack in the middle of Golden Week, on a sunny afternoon.

"Hey, Yuu, has the series gone past volume five yet?"
"Uh, I think volume eight came out last month."
"Oh, cool. Go grab it for me."
"If you want me to grab it, get off me, Yami-senpai..."
"Ugh, too much effort~."

Sunny afternoon, sure, but we're tucked away in the couple's seat of a dimly-lit net café, completely cut off from the daylight outside.

There are two seats in this booth, but I'm sitting on Yuu's lap instead of the other one, so the space is kinda going to waste.

"My legs are falling asleep... You're heavy, Yami-senpai."
"...Heavy how? Think carefully before you answer."
"Uh, what're you planning to do if I say the wrong thing?"
"Cry."
"So heavy!"

So yeah, it's been three months since that.
Yuu and I are... well, we're still a thing. Somehow.

"Oh yeah, how's school going, Yuu?"
"It's tough keeping up. I've got remedial classes too. Way harder than I expected."
"Wow, must suck. My school doesn't have stuff like that at all."
"Well, your school's all about freedom and self-motivation. Apparently, everyone just pushes themselves without needing to be told."
"Sure, except for people like me."
"There you go saying stuff like that again..."

After all the drama, Yuu managed to get into a public high school. He takes a train and walks for nearly an hour each way, rain or shine.
Seriously, the guy's too earnest. Or maybe just plain too serious.

Which is why we can only see each other on holidays like this.
...It's so annoying.

"What about you, Yami-senpai? Not thinking about going back to school?"
"...Dunno."
"Man, what a waste. I couldn't get in even with my best."

As for me, I'm still skipping school. All day, every day.
I haven't even bothered to turn in the withdrawal form.

Oh, and I found something when I went home for a bit. On the table in the living room, there was this tuition payment receipt just sitting there.

Looks like one of my parents went and paid it on their own.

Was it out of concern for their beloved daughter's future? Spare cash lying around? Guilt?
No idea. Doesn't matter to me.

"Did you really want to get into my school that badly?"
"That's why I applied. I even busted my butt studying for it."

But honestly, stuff like my family situation barely registers these days.
Because right now, I'm on a high.

In my whole -- granted, still pretty short -- life so far, I've never felt this good.

"Did you want to go to school with her that badly?"

And then, drunk on the moment, I go and step on a landmine.

"......If I'd gotten in, I could've been your classmate too, Yami-senpai."
"......I see."

Yuu...
He took a moment, carefully picked his words, and managed to defuse the landmine I'd just stepped on.

But that kindness of his only made my heart stir uneasily.

Does Yuu realize it?
One of the many reasons I haven't gone back to school.

Is that there's someone there I don't want to see, someone I don't want to know anything about.

I can't just say, I don't care about that anymore, or It doesn't matter.
There's this lingering sense -- barely noticeable, but still there -- of his attachment to this person I've never even met.

At first, I used to pry. Asked him all kinds of questions, mostly just to tease him.
But now, I don't bring her up anymore.

Not her, not their time together, not even the middle school they went to or the rough area she lives in.

"Hey, uh, Yami-senpai? What do you want to do after this? Wanna go somewhere?"
"Do you want to go somewhere, Yuu?"
"Nah, I just thought... I mean, it's a date, and we're spending it cooped up like this. That okay with you?"
"...What's wrong with staying in?"
"Well, it's not exactly healthy..."

He doesn't get it.
Yuu really doesn't get it.

What I want from him.
What he's giving me.
How irreplaceable it is.

No stress, no worries. Nothing unpleasant or tiring. Just pure fun.
Being with someone I like, feeling their warmth, taking in their scent, having them all to myself.

"This is perfect. This is exactly what I want!"
"Hey, seriously, you're heavy!"

I lean in harder, pressing my back and hips against him. Yuu's reaction is more flustered than annoyed, almost shy and confused in this endearing way.

Sitting on Yuu's lap, cradled gently, I can feel the awkward angles of something, but his warmth more than makes up for it.

Right now, this is all I need.
This spot, right here, is all I'll ever need.

"Mm."
"W-wait, Yami-senpai, this is a net café..."

I turn my face toward him, lips puckered playfully, like I'm begging for attention.

"It's a private booth. Mmm~!"
"Uh..."

Yuu hesitates at first, but he's not quite skilled -- or strong-willed -- enough to dodge my little demands.

"Mmm~♪"
"Nggh... mmph."

When his tongue shyly meets mine, and I taste the mingling of our saliva, my brain goes fuzzy.
It's so electrifying it feels like I'm high on something. Absolutely intoxicating.

Will I ever find another place as comfortable as this?
...If I lose it again, what'll happen to me?

"Mm... nnk, nnkuh."
"Haah... ah... ngh!"

That's why I'm going to protect this place.
I'll keep it safe, so no one can take it from me.

Which means, right now, I shouldn't be worrying about Yuu's dream girl.
There's no point in obsessing over something completely out of my control.

The thing I need to focus on is myself.

"Yuu... Yuu... mm, nn~"
"W-wait, keep your voice down... the next booth'll hear!"

What am I going to do about school?
About home? About my awful dad and my mom who never does anything?
How am I going to deal with all of it?

If I don't get my act together, I might lose this precious thing I've finally found.
It'll slip through my fingers.

"Who cares... if they hear?"
"Well, I do... it's embarrassing... ahh!"

I have to get it together soon.
I need to protect this life I have now.

No, not just protect it.
I need to reclaim it.

The normal, happy life I had before, back in middle school.

"Nnh... ahh, haah... ahmn."
"Ah... crap, this is bad..."

Go home every day.
Go to school... well, maybe.

Wake up in the morning, sleep at night.
Meet up with Yuu regularly like this.
And if I can, maybe even... find some friends.

"Yuu... Yuu... nnh, haah~"
"W-wait... no, not there...!"

I don't have to become the perfect, overachieving me from back then.
But I do want to go back to being just a normal girl.

A normal girl who can stand beside Yuu without feeling out of place.

"Y-Yami-senpai! Not here, we can't go any further...!"
"...Wanna go somewhere else? Like a hotel?"
"That's just another place to hide, though..."
"Haha, guess so!"

I'm Matsushita Ayami, currently a first-year... for the second time.
Right here, right now, I swear to start over. To take my life back.