xxddmm

Chapter 24 - About a year and a half ago. (Part 3)

Late February.
The chill in the air felt like winter was making a comeback. By nighttime, it had turned bitterly cold.

"Yeah, yeah... so, today, we're doing a too-bad party at Kaneda's place till morning."

But right now, where we were, the outside temperature didn't matter. The heater was cranked way up, almost like it was hyping us up for what was about to happen.

"I'll be back by morning... Yeah, sorry, Mom."

When Yuu hung up his phone and turned toward me, I was already sprawled casually on the giant bed in the middle of the room.

"What'd your mom say?"
"...She told me to do my best on the public high school exams."
"Ohhh? She didn't say, There's something else you should be focusing on first?"
"...Tch."

Yeah, basically, this was that kind of placelove hotel.

Even when we left the family restaurant or when we came in here, Yuu had been whining the whole time. But all it took was me pretending to lose my temper, and he caved immediately. What a pushover.

"Aaaanyway, now that you got your mom's permission..."
"No, I lied to her, though."
"Who cares? Let's do it~!"
"W-wait..."

I sat up on the bed, shrugged off my jacket, and slowly started undoing my tie and unbuttoning my shirt, making sure to move as provocatively as possible.

"C'mon, Yuu, hurry up~. You don't want wrinkles in your uniform, do you?"
"Who cares about that right now...!"

Even as he said that, Yuu started fumbling with the buttons on his uniform, clumsily popping them open one by one like he was tearing them off.

Makes sense, doesn't it?
No matter how nervous or scared he was, we're at that age. He wants this, no question.

And besides... there's stuff he wants to forget, right?
Of course, he's going to go for it.

"You can mess me up as much as you want, okay? I'll comfort you..."
"Yami... Senpai..."

Yuu's whole body was trembling as he came closer, reaching out to touch my shoulder.
Okay, now you're one of my people.

In Yuu's foolish little heart...
No, in both our hearts, we're about to carve some deep scars...

............
............

"You useless virgin!"
"I... uh... I'm sorry."

And yet...
This stupid brat, when it actually mattered, was completely useless!

"I even let you touch all over!"
"It was seriously amazing, though..."
"I even touched you!"
"It felt so freaking good..."
"Then why... why didn't it work?!"

No matter what I did.
No matter how far I went.
His thing didn't so much as twitch.

"Look at me more! Look at me with those pervy eyes! Look at me!"
"I can't do that!"

On the bed, he was curled up with his back to me, looking half in tears, all apologetic.

"It's just... your eyes, Ayami-senpai..."
"Don't you dare blame this on me. You're the worst."

...But there wasn't a hint of self-loathing in his tone.

"No, Yami-senpai... you weren't even looking at me."
"Huh? Of course I was!"
"No, you weren't. You were looking way past me, off into the distance."
"Are you seriously hung up on that? What the hell is wrong with you?!"

On top of that, he had this air about him like he'd somehow done something right. It made my blood boil.

"You told me to look at you like that, but your own eyes weren't lewd at all."

This brat's... Yuu's voice.
It was slowly growing steadier, firmer.

"You said you'd comfort me, but you had the saddest eyes I've ever seen."

It was like he'd completely stopped feeling bad about what happened, his words sharp and confident now.

"It was scary, okay? I couldn't stand it."
"Ugh, damn it!"

That's why I felt this rush of anger, like I had to lash out.
I hurled insults at Yuu and his pathetic excuses, turned my back on him, and pulled the blanket over my head.

"What kind of eyes are supposed to turn you on, huh? At this rate, you're gonna be a virgin for life!"

This is why I can't stand virgins.
They screw up, but instead of owning it, they just make excuses to justify themselves!

"Well, uh... maybe, like... bright, straightforward eyes that only look forward?"
"I wasn't asking for a real answer, you idiot!"

God, I hate this...

Why is it that the thing he's asking for... something I can never give?

............
............

"So, you see? Right now, I feel so miserable I could die."
"Oh, is that so."

Maybe it was out of guilt toward me or something...
But Yuu started opening up about himself, bit by bit.

He talked about how there was a girl he'd been in love with since he was little.
How she only ever saw him as a friend.

How she was amazing at both academics and sports and had gotten into my school on a recommendation.
How he'd aimed for the same high school just to be close to her.

...And yeah, I already knew he'd crashed and burned at that.

"Maybe... the reason I couldn't do it with it with you, Yami-senpai, was because of how crushed I was over that."
"You're telling me something that trivial made you want to die or stopped your... you know? You're so stupid."
"Well, for me, it's a wound I'll carry for life..."

We lay there, back-to-back on the bed.
The wild, intense night this was supposed to be had turned into this oddly calm, quiet moment.

Listening to some ridiculous heartbreak story from a guy I'd just met a few days ago...

I felt this mix of irritation, emptiness, and -- strangely -- just a tiny bit of peace.

"So what if you couldn't go to the same high school as her? Your problems are so shallow. They're not even worth feeling sorry for."
"I'm not saying all this to get sympathy..."
"Yeah, obviously not. Even if I felt sorry for you and let you do it, you couldn't pull it off, so it's pointless."
"God, just stop already..."

Maybe that's why.
Maybe it was because I felt so annoyed, so empty inside...

"You don't even get it. A wound that makes you want to die... that's something like this."

My mouth moved before I could stop it.
I said something I never should've... to someone I never should've said it to.

"Like, say... your dad dies, and then your mom remarries, and your new dad tries to force himself on you, so you run away from home, but your mom's completely dependent on him and doesn't believe a word you say..."
"Wha--!?"

The sharp intake of breath I heard beside me snapped me back to reality, and I finally shut my big mouth.
But by then, it was way too late to take it back.

"It's just an example. You know, one of those clichéd, happens-anywhere kinds of stories."
"...I see."

Why?
Why did I do that?

Why did I say something like that...
To this stupid virgin I met just a few days ago?

"Should we just go to sleep now, Yami-senpai?"
"............"
"Goodnight."
"............"
"............"
"...snff... hic."
"Yami... senpai?"
"Ngh... hic... ngh."
"...Are you crying?"
"I'm not crying."
"Yeah? When we first met, I wasn't crying either."
"~~~!!"

"Can you stop crying? You're being really annoying."
"I'm not crying!"

"...snff... ah, ahh... aaaahhh...!"

This stupid virgin, with his stupid, cowardly excuses...
It was all so infuriatingly absurd, that even my emotions burst out uncontrollably.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh...! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Damn it...

Why did my one precious life...
Why did it have to get so completely wrecked by that piece of trash?!

"Yami-senpai...?"

I felt Yuu shifting in the bed beside me, turning to face me.

The look on his face -- it wasn't pity, or worry, or even empathy.
But somehow, it felt like all of those things and none of them at once.

"Look at me..."
"I'm looking."
"Not with those indecent eyes. I mean, look at me properly, seriously."
"I am looking seriously.."

The two of us, who had only met a few days ago...

Spent the next few hours, right up until the front desk called us, locked in a gaze that felt almost like touching.

............
............

I'm Matsushita Ayami, still technically a high schooler......

......and today, once again, I met a total weirdo.