xxddmm

Chapter 19 - The worst morning ever.

Today's the start of... a day I probably can't just call completely ordinary anymore.

"Morning, Ta~kun."
"Yo."

It was just a simple morning greeting, like always. But unlike back in the first term, we weren't at the station closest to both of our houses. Nope.
I was leaning against the gatepost outside my house -- the one with "Shirasaka" engraved on it.

Yeah, meaning... I'd been waiting for him to leave his house, and when he came out, I casually greeted him.
You know, the kind of thing childhood friends might do. Maybe.

"You're up early again, Hikari."
"School festival prep has started, after all!"

We didn't plan this in advance.
But honestly, it doesn't even feel like I need to pretend it's a coincidence anymore.

I wait outside my house for him.
He shows up and takes it as if it's totally normal.
...Ever since the second term started, this meeting up thing has kinda become the usual.

"So that means your festival's on a holiday week? Lucky. Ours isn't until November."
"Honestly, I'd rather have it then. It's still way too hot right now."

As we chat about random stuff, we naturally fall into step, walking side by side to the station.

Before, I used to wait at the station and pretend to run into him.
But now, doing this doesn't feel unnatural at all.

It's like I've decided... this is fine.
It's totally normal for us to be this way.
That's how much this summer changed things between us.

...Not that anything specific or direct actually happened, of course!

"So, what's your class doing?"
"Maid café."
"Classic. Let me guess, the otaku faction in your class totally steamrolled everyone else."

Well, he's not wrong. Still, the whole school festival prep thing is turning out to be a pretty convenient excuse.

For the next two weeks or so, no matter how early in the morning or late at night, I can just whip out the magic words festival prep and use them as a cover for waiting for him.

...Though, to be fair, the actual prep work is pretty intense, so it's not like I'm guaranteed to actually get much alone time with him.

............
............

Well, anyway. Not that it's fine, but... for now, it is.

"So, uh..."
"Hmm?"

Today -- or rather, right now -- there's something I absolutely have to do, no matter what!

Our relationship has shifted, even if just a little bit.
And because of that, I've started to feel this tiny, but undeniable, urge to push things just a little further.

"You know, our school festival is invite-only."
"Oh, yeah, I think I've heard that. Each student only gets one ticket, right? Your school's festival must be pretty popular."
"And, well, that ticket... is right here in my hands..."
"Ah..."

Yep, he's right. Our school's festival is apparently the event, even among students from other schools.

Yesterday, as soon as the tickets were handed out -- just one per student, mind you -- the classroom buzzed with conversations like Who are you inviting? and Anyone got an extra ticket? It was basically a battlefield of bargaining and intel-gathering.

"...You're giving it to me?"
"Well, you know, if you feel like it or something."
"I mean, that's like a platinum ticket! You don't have to waste it on me or anything..."
"It's not like I'm giving it to you out of pity or whatever!"
"O-Oh... is that so...?"

So yeah, the reason I'm being unusually pushypolitely inviting him right now... well, there are a few reasons for that.

First, there's the usual pressure from my friends -- mostly Haru -- saying things like, Come on, just show us your boyfriend already!

Second is something from our school... no, actually, it's probably a common thing at any school, the ero-... ahem, emotional urban legends about the festival.

You know, something like Couples that get together during the school festival are destined to last forever... or whatever.

And the last reason? Well, that one's obvious.
...It's because I want to enjoy the festival with him.

To wander around the classrooms, try out food, make some noise, and laugh together.
I want to spend that irreplaceable time with him.

And afterward, I'd get him to invite me to his school festival too.
Then, when his classmates spot us together, it'd cause a little scene.

"Wait, who's this girl?!"
"I told you, she's just my childhood friend!"

And he'd get adorably flustered over the whole thing......!!

"...Hikari?"
"Oh, uh, whoops."

...Well, okay, maybe I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here.
Still, this ticket feels like a one-way pass to a possible future -- a hopeful one.

But then...

"Mm... but, you know..."
"...Ta~kun?"
"I mean, I really appreciate the invite. And I am interested. That's for real."

His reaction wasn't what I'd hoped for. It wasn't the worst-case scenario either, but... it leaned a little too close to the meh side of things.

"But, this time, it's just..."
"Is that a no?"
"Well, it's just that... it's your school, right?"
"And what about my school?"
"Ah, sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

I hadn't expected him to be this hesitant.
It wasn't the kind of shock I'd ever felt before -- it hit differently this time.

"Did you already have plans?"
"No, it's not that..."

So, is it not a matter of not yet, but instead, never going to happen?

Well, we're just childhood friends, after all. Of course he wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea.

Ugh, what am I even doing? Jumping the gun like this... no, actually, what was I even thinking?
Pushing too hard is just going to push him away.

I should say it. Got it.
Like, Alright! Let's just drop this! and pretend this whole thing never happened.

"Then why...?"
"Huh...?"

See? There I go again.

I know this kind of thing just pushes him further away. I know that.
What's wrong with me lately?
I feel like I can't keep my emotions in check anymore.

"I mean, Hikari, you've never asked me out like this before."
"...I have been recently."

There it is. He's totally put off.

I'm no better than that junior girlSeki-san who made an over-the-top declaration then crashed and burned.

I don't like being that type of girl.

I'm being so selfish when it comes to him.
Talking to him like I'm his girlfriend or something.

This is textbook getting rejected behavior...

"Alright, fine! Forget it...!"
"H-Hikari?!"

Ugh, the words were right, but the tone? Totally wrong!
Why am I stumbling over my sentences?
Why do I sound like I'm about to cry?

...Well, obviously, it's because I am about to cry.

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry! I'll go! I'll go, alright?!"
"...I said it's fine if you don't. Really."
"No, don't say that..."
"But like... if you're only taking it because you feel obligated, what's the point?"

And now here I am, after finally getting him to say yes, turning around and sabotaging myself.

Wow, Hikari. You're being so annoying right now.
Even I can't defend this behavior...

"I'm serious, I was happy you invited me! I really mean it!"
"Yeah, but now it just feels like you're scrambling to fix it..."

Pull back! Seriously, just stop already, Hikari!
Don't pout. Don't make it more complicated. Don't get all weirdly girly about it!
Just hand him the ticket and say, Alright, see you then!

"Please! I humbly request this platinum ticket of yours! I'd be honored to accept it!"
"You seriously get how rare this thing is, right? You do?"
"I totally get it! I swear!"

............
............

I'm Shirasaka Hikari, sixteen years old......

......and even I can't justify my behavior today.