xxddmm

Chapter 13 - Damp and Dreary.

Completely ordinary...
That's how I'd like to think of this completely unmotivating late-June evening.

Hikari: "Ugh... seriously?"

But, well, I already knew what was going to make me feel this way, long before I got off at the station.

Even from the train window, it was pretty obvious. The sky that was just a dull, leaden gray when I left school is now dropping warm, heavy rain -- a pretty steady downpour.

Even if it's only a few minutes from here to my house, in this rain, with no umbrella, I'll end up soaked from head to toe.

I stop at the station exit, looking up at the sky and the raindrops falling from it.

I could try making a run for it, relying on my legs and a burst of energy to carry me home, but really, would it help? I mean, like I said before, I'm just not in the mood for any of that right now.

It's partly because of this rain, but also...

Yuu: "Yeah, I... I do have someone I like."
Yuu: "But... it's not someone I just started liking or anything."

That confession of his that I accidentally overheard a few days ago.

Who is he talking about...?
And since when has he liked her...?

If I were one of those super delusional childhood friends (and, just to be clear, I'm not), or maybe the overconfident kind (again, not me!), I'd probably be all, W-wait, does he mean... me?!

But, well, since I'm more of a self-doubting, kinda mellow, and, yeah, maybe a bit negative childhood friend (and please, let's not dwell on how cringey that sounds), hearing something like that just... feels like my options are shrinking, you know?

Until now, I could at least dream of three possibilities:

=> "He likes me."
=> "He likes someone else."
=> "He doesn't like anyone."

But now it's down to just two:

=> "He likes me."
=> "He likes someone else."

So, yeah... sure, my chances of success went up from 33% to 50%, but so did my chances of getting rejected.

To put it a little more clearly:

Sure, the odds of, Wait, what?! He likes me too? Could life actually be this amazing?! have gone up...

...but so have the chances of, No, I can't give up! I'll make him notice me, no matter what! -- and that feels like a much bigger challenge now.

Huh? Does that still not make sense? Sorry...

It's just, well... honestly, if it was gonna feel this confusing, maybe it would've been better if the option of He doesn't like anyone was still on the table.

It might've been nice to keep that little bit of space for hope.

Lost in my thoughts, I glance up toward the sky again...
Only to suddenly have my view completely blocked by a dark navy blue.

Yuu: "We're in the middle of rainy season, and you forget your umbrella...?"
Hikari: "Uh, wha-! S-shut up!"

I kinda stammered before snapping back, but whatever -- no big deal.
Looks like I'd been standing around by the station for about five minutes or so.

Probably, he'd just caught the next train, saw me standing here, and decided to hold his umbrella over my head.
...his one and only umbrella, that we'll have to share.

Yuu: "It's good it worked out, since we're going home together you don't need to go buy one at the convenience store, huh?"
Hikari: "It's fine, I don't need it! You'll just get wet too, Ta~kun."

Normally, something like this would have me mentally screaming, How is this even happening?! ...but today, I just... can't feel that way.

Yuu: "But with rain coming down this hard, even your shoes will be totally soaked by the time we get home."
Hikari: "If I wait a little, it might let up or even stop, you know?"
Yuu: "...What's wrong? Something happen at school?"
Hikari: "Since when do you ever ask about that kind of stuff?"
Yuu: "Was I always that cold-hearted?"

Ugh, my mood always seems to match the weather exactly.

Even though I'm in this ridiculously rare moment with him (okay, maybe not that rare), I ended up brushing him off a bit.

Hikari: "Because, like, usually when I try to tell you about school stuff, you're all, Uh-huh, yeah, whatever or something, just like my sister."
Yuu: "What? You're being unusually aggressive today, aren't you?"
Hikari: "Exactly, so you should probably steer clear of me today."
Yuu: "Hey, hey, come on, wait up!"

I step ahead, into the rain, making a point to keep my distance.
But, just a little flustered, he keeps his umbrella positioned right over me, making sure I stay covered.

...So naturally, he's walking right beside me.

Hikari: "You really don't need to worry about it, Ta~kun."
Yuu: "I mean, I kinda do... otherwise, it'll be a disaster."
Hikari: "It's fine! No matter how soaked I get, it's all the rain's fault, not yours."

Oh no, no, no...
I'm being that girl today. The clingy, mopey girl.

My mood is totally getting dragged down by this weather...

Yuu: "Yeah, rain's annoying, but..."
Hikari: "I'm telling you, June should just disappear."
Yuu: "So you'd get rid of June, not just the rainy season?"
Hikari: "Well, yeah, if June's gone, the year would be down to 335 days, without losing any holidays. Sounds perfect, right?"

I pick up my pace a little, just enough to make it seem like I'm trying to avoid walking right beside him.
I stomp straight through a puddle, splashing water everywhere on purpose.

Yuu: "Didn't you used to love the rain, Hikari?"
Hikari: "Ohhh, maybe a long, long time ago."
Yuu: "Whoa, how old are you supposed to be now?"
Hikari: "Hmph."

Ugh, this is exhausting. I can't keep up a decent conversation, I've got this constant scowl, and all I'm doing is being snippy with him.

Ugh, this is rough. Today, everything just feels off.
I can't keep up a decent conversation, I'm frowning nonstop, and I'm just snapping at him.

Yuu: "Remember back in grade school? We'd run home still in P.E. clothes."
Hikari: "Hey, I wasn't such a tomboy, you know!"

This isn't good for either of us, right?
I just need to get home, take a long bath, and calm down as fast as possible.

Yuu: "You totally were! You were kind of a daredevil, super good at sports and school."
Hikari: "Well, I'm still good at both, thank you very much."
Yuu: "Yeah. I used to think I'd never be able to catch up to you."
Hikari: "Oh? And now you think you can?"

Maybe I'll skip hanging out at the Takamura's house tonight.

With this grumpy face of mine, I'll probably mess up the mood, not just for him but for his momMs. Takamura too.

Yuu: "Nah, at least in a short race, I'd beat you now."
Hikari: "Pshh, you were already faster than me by middle school!"
Yuu: "Wait, really? Was I?"

Seriously, rainy season sucks. It's just muggy, annoying, and so heavy.

Honestly, I'd take the blazing heat of summer any day; at least in summer, I can keep my head up with a little more energy.

Hikari: "So, what, I was some muscle-bound gorilla in your mind?"
Yuu: "Not a gorilla! More like a gazelle... or a kangaroo?"
Hikari: "Are you actually trying to compliment me? ‘Cause I'm not exactly thrilled with those comparisons!"

I just want the rainy season to end already.
Once summer's here, I'll be able to smile again, for real.

Yuu: "Is that so? Then what animal should I compare you to...?"
Hikari: "Hey, why even compare me to an animal in the first place? Hahaha!"

I'm Shirasaka Hikari, sixteen years old......

......and even someone like me gets totally down and blue every once in a while!