xxddmm

Chapter 8 - The neighbour across the window.

[ ?Hey, are you in your room right now ]

[ Yuu: I'm here. Why? ]

[ .Well, there's something I wanted to say ]
[ ?Can you open your window ]

[ Yuu: Why can't we just talk like thisLINE? ]

[ ?Please, just for a sec ]

It was ten at night, after a completely ordinary day, with the sun long gone.

I sent him a LINE message, watched it get read, and then waited...
Only a few seconds, but it felt like forever.

Yuu: "Hey"
Hikari: "H-Hey, good evening!"

The window across from mine opened, and there he was, that familiar face -- right in front of me, already waiting by his open window.

Yuu: "What's up? Did you leave something in my room? Though, looks like you didn't forget anything..."
Hikari: "No, it's not that..."
Yuu: "So? What's up?"
Hikari: "Uh, well, actually..."

I looked into his room, that same familiar space I'd just been in a few hours ago. We'd spent time there, talking about nothing important before dinner.

It was so easy to talk when I was in there with him. But now, standing here, talking across our windows... I couldn't get a single meaningful word out.

Hikari: "So... um..."
Yuu: "Yeah?"
Hikari: "Um, it's just... I don't really know how to say it..."

No, it's not that I can't find the words because we're talking through the window.
It's because ever since I got back from his room, my friends dropped a huge mission on me in our group chat.

[ Yuki: Alright, Hikari, your confession is happening by this weekend. ]
[ Haru: No objections here! ]
[ Ayami: Sounds good to me. ]

[ ?Wait a second! How did it come to this ]

It was just like always. Haru threw out the idea, Yuki jumped on board, and Aya-chan, as usual, didn't seem to care much but didn't object either.

Before I knew it, everything was decided: Aya-chan swiped a few of her family's discount coupons, so we're all set for the movies, an amusement park, and even a family restaurant, whatever we might need.

Hikari: "......"
Yuu: "......?"

I get it. I really do.
I know they're just trying to help, and I know I'm grateful -- so much so that I can't even put it into words.
...And yeah, I also kinda want to tell them, You guys are totally having fun with this, aren't you?

While I'm at it, I'd also love to point out, Hey, don't you think pushing me to do this, when I haven't even gone out with him alone once since high school started, is a bit much?

But standing here, stuck, won't change a thing.
I just have to go along with the plan they set up for me.

Just say it. Just say it.

Hikari: "Hey, do you want to go out together this weekend?"

Alright, one... two... three!

Hikari: "S-sorry about the other day! I totally didn't mean to spy on you doing... that, Ta~kun!"
Yuu: "Whoa! Are we really bringing that up again!?"

Aaaaaahhhh!
Why did I bring up that of all things just to cover my nerves!?

Hikari: "Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to bring it up, really! I was just trying to start the conversation, like... small talk or something!"
Yuu: "No, no... you don't have to apologize. It's fine. Just, you know, left me with a life-long trauma, but you didn't do anything wrong, Hikari."
Hikari: "I am so sorry!!"

And, great. Turns out it left way more of a mark on him than I thought!

Hikari: "Yeah, seriously, I'm sorry... I know it made you feel awkward, too, so let's just put this behind us. I'd rather not remember it, and if you could forget it too..."
Yuu: "Got it! Let's just drop it! Done, done!"

...Not that I'm going to forget. Not in a bad way, and... not entirely in a good way, either.

Yuu: "Was that all you wanted to talk about? ‘Cause I was about to head for a bath..."
Hikari: "Oh, wait! I haven't even started yet!"

After all these unexpected detours, he's getting pretty suspicious... or maybe just looking for an excuse to escape the whole situation.

But if I don't say anything now, tomorrow at school, my friends are going to totally corner me about it...
No, that's not what's making this so hard, that's not why it hurts.

What hurts is that my own wish -- the one thing I want -- won't come true just because I'm too scared to say it.

Hikari: "Um, hey, Ta~kun..."
Yuu: "Y-yeah?"
Hikari: "This weekend, um..."

Come on, say it! Do you want to hang out this weekend?
That's all I need to say! Just open my mouth and let the words out.

Hikari: "........."

Yuu: "........."

...But it's not coming ouuuut!

My mouth won't move.
My tongue is stuck.
My throat won't open.

Frozen by embarrassment, nerves, and fear, my whole head has completely locked up...

Yuu: "Ah, sorry, my mom's calling me to take a bath."
Hikari: "........."

While I'm standing here, totally paralyzed and unable to get a word out, he gives me a casual goodbye.

He looks at me with just the slightest hint of apology.
It's clear he has no idea what I was trying to say, what I wanted, or how I really feel.

Yuu: "Well, goodnight, Hikari."
Hikari: "........."

And then, just like that, he closes his window, and disappers from my view.
And all I can do is watch him go, without having said a single word.

............
............

...I don't want to give up. I can't just leave it like this.

[ !I told you I had something to say ]

I send the LINE message, see that it's been read. And then, not even a second later...

Yuu: "Then hurry up and say it already!"

His window opens again, and there he is, that familiar face back in view.

[ !No need to rush me ]
[ !I've got my own stuff going on too, y'know ]

I fire off another message, hear the notification sound on his side, and watch it get read instantly.

Yuu: "Oh, come on, I waited a long time, didn't I? You were totally silent, Hikari!"

His voice has this annoyed edge to it, which only makes my fingers twitch in irritation.

[ .You just had to wait three more seconds ]
[ !I was about to say it ]

Yuu: "Fine, then. I'll wait three seconds now. Three... two... one..."

[ ,When you rush me like that ]
[ !it makes it even harder to say what I want ]

We're both being unreasonable, and both thinking the other is being unreasonable. Our faces are tense, practically glaring at each other across the gap between our windows...

[ Yuu: Then how long am I supposed to wait for you? ]

Eventually, my phone buzzes with a LINE notification.

[ Hold on, I need to prepare myself mentally ]

[ Yuu: My mom's yelling at me! ]

[ !So what? I'm telling you it's important ]

[ Yuu: Then just say it already! ]

[ !Ugh, you're so loud ]

[ Yuu: We haven't even said anything yet! ]

............
............

I'm Shirasaka Hikari, sixteen years old......

......and it took me 30 more minutes after this to ask him out on a date.